Parody of Lonely No More by Rob Thomas. A special thanks to Below Average Dave for supporting vocals, and for supplying the backing track courtesy of karaoke-version.com/en.
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Do you have to scream
When I ask you on a date?
No mace it hurts my face
Please don't stick your dog on me
Cause I swear to you I won't always look this way
Flabby man boobies
And my ear hair's frizzy
But I don't wanna be homely no more
I don't wanna have to look like this
When I walk up and knock on my date's door
Don't wanna get shoved into the bushes
I don't wanna be ugly no more
I don't wanna have a face like this
So before you laugh and beat me up know for sure
I don't want to be homely anymore
Can't control my pee, so I have to wear Depends
Chicks, they just can't see, past my excessive flatulence
And my nails are green, missing half my teeth
Girl, you don't really like my farmer's tan
Scratch my groin with my hand; got that itchy rash again
Makes me want to cry
I don't wanna be homely no more
I don't wanna wear this pelvic brace
When I see a hot chick and I try to score
I always get the door slammed in my face
I don't wanna repulse you no more
You yell "Hi Gene!" but my name is Jace
So when you think you're gonna dump me know for sure
I'm not gonna be homely anymore
What if I work out for you, what if I would brush my teeth
What if I would wax my unibrow and pick my nosehairs clean
If I stop attracting flies, bathe with regularity
Shave my back, clean out my ear goo, lose the pork-chop, mullet hairdo
I don't wanna be homely no more
I don't wanna face all full of zits
Gonna buy deodorant at the drug store
So you don't have to smell my sweaty pits
I'm not gonna have stank breath no more
I decided to invest in mints
So when I blow a kiss you won't faint on the floor
I don't want to be homely anymore
I don't wanna be homely anymore...
Won't find my dates at the dog pound anymore...
Won't ask grandma to prom night anymore...