Parody of Innocent Man by Billy Joel
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Some women stay far away from a man
If he's got two foot long ivory tusks
They slam the door and I'm stuck outside
I'm thick...skinned but it...makes me cry
Your stance is firm, you don't date pachyderms
But there's talk down at the watering hole
Some people say you're a hippocrite
For moonlighting with the rhino
I know you said you won't date circus geeks
To you I'm just a grotesque sideshow freak
But I'm not worried
Cause I am a hunk
And I've got a big trunk
Oh yeah, I'll trumpet my cause where I can
You shouldn't jeer my big floppy ears
When it's hot, they'll cool like a fan
If you're beguiled by the call of the wild
If you are looking for a Republican
Please consider giving me a try
Because I am the Elephant Man!
I AM...THE ELEPHANT MAN!
Oh yes I am!
Some people say that I can't get a date
Cause when I kiss girls think that they'll get gored
They think it's wrong that my head is oblong
I guess chicks just don't dig herbivores
I went to school with a congenital
Disease, I wasn't like the other lads
My ears were jumbo, just like Dum-bo
Kids teased me and that made me sad
I tried to let those kids climb me one day
They said I'm fat and I smelled like decay
So I crushed them but that's all in the past
They can all kiss my Mast-odon
I'm really a romantic guy
I'll dip my trunk in a pool, take a drink
And we'll bathe under the Tuskan Sky
I'm not above giving two tons of love
But if you want to be on top you can
I promise never to trample your heart
If you start dating Elephant Man!
I AM...THE ELEPHANT MAN!
Oh yes I am!
The Elephant Man!
You know you only shoot me down out of spite
I guess you'd rather date the hippo tonight
That's your decision
But I'm feeling scorned
Just because I'm deformed
Severe proteus syndrome wasn't my plan
My head's still growing, it's seven feet wide
And some lesions appeared on my glands
No I don't hope for a miracle cure
I guess I just accept the way that I am
I look barbaric, I'm just like John Merrick
Cause I am the Elephant Man!
I AM...THE ELEPHANT MAN!
Oh yes I am!
The Elephant Man!