Electric boogie blues. Some days everything goes bad. You shoulda stood in bed.
Brand new old songs of the '30s, '40s, '50s and '60s.
Lyrics
I drive a Geo, about the size of my shoe
A red two-door Geo, and one door is blue.
I drive down to Arby’s, and just as I turn in
I see that my whole friggin’ engine is burnin’.
Land-o-goshen, fiddle-dee-dee
Great day in the mornin’—it sucks to be me.
I punch in at work ‘bout an hour-and-a-half late,
The foreman comes over and he gives me the gate.
Ain’t nothin’ personal, that S.O.B. says,
The whole damn factory’s movin’ down to Juarez.
Ai caramba, fiddle-dee-dee
Madre de Dios—it sucks to be me.
I go to the clinic, the proctologist
Tells me I’ve got me a big honkin’ cyst.
If I wanna keep sittin’, he says, ain’t no doubt:
He’s gotta go in and it’s gotta come out.
So I go see the gypsy, old Madame LaChance
Takes one look at my palm and makes me pay in advance.
I start walking home and I try not to see
The man from the funeral parlor’s following me.
I duck in the church—how much more can I take?
The sign in the sacristy says God’s on His break.
Chriminetly, fiddle-dee-dee
Great God Almighty—it sucks to be me.
So here comes big Vito, I owe him three Gs,
And Big Vito’s promised to bust both my knees,
So I jump in the alley, and lo and behold,
There’s this little girl there, ‘bout eleven years old,
And I bump into her and what do you say?
She starts screaming “Bad touch!” and pointing my way.
The crowds starts to chase me through back yards and porches,
Like the peasants in Frankenstein--minus the torches.
I just make it home more dead than alive,
There’s a U-Haul trailer, and it's parked in my drive,
And it’s full of my stuff, and there goes my wife,
A rat scampering off of the ship of my life.
Yo-ho-ho, fiddle-dee-dee
Shiver me timbers—it sucks to be me.
I go down to the river to toss myself in—
What else can you do when you can’t seem to win?
I jump off the bridge, and I don’t know how
I land smack in the middle of a big garbage skow.
I’m flat on my back in the slime and the scuz
And a seagull flies over and…you know what he does.
It’s one for the money and two for the show
Three strikes you’re out—hey don’t my life blow.
Lawdy Miss Clawdy, fiddle-dee-dee
Lord love a duck—it sucks to be me.
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